5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Started My Fertility Journey
By Sophie Sulehria
When I first started trying to conceive, I had no idea what lay ahead. I assumed it would happen quickly, that I’d see two pink lines on a test within a few months, and that would be that. But like so many others, I soon realised that fertility isn’t always straightforward. The experience was tough, but has also taught me many lessons I never expected to learn.
Looking back, here are five things I wish I had known before I started:
Ask questions
…and keep asking. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you have to ask questions, and lots of them. When we first started trying to conceive, I (as most people) assumed things would happen naturally. Even when it didn’t, I didn’t know what to ask my doctor beyond “what do I do next?”. I wish I had known to push for tests sooner, to ask for second opinions, and to trust my instincts when something didn’t feel right. If you feel dismissed or unheard, keep pushing. No one knows your body better than you, and no question is too small when it comes to your health.
The emotional rollercoaster
The ups and downs of a fertility journey is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I found myself swinging between optimism and despair, and it was exhausting.
What helped me? Finding people who “got it”. Speaking to a fertility counsellor was a game-changer as it gave me a safe space to process my emotions. If therapy isn’t an option, the TTC community are second to none. There are so many people out there who have walked in your shoes, and share their experiences. The Fertility Show’s Let’s all Talk Fertility stage is home to some of these fantastic patients, who have walked your path and want to share what they have learnt, for this very reason.
Not everyone will understand
Dealing with well meaning, but painful comments is hard. “Just relax”, “it will happen” and “you can adopt” were just some of the things people said to me. I wish I had known how to protect myself from these moments earlier, but what I now know is that it’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to change the subject, or step back from certain conversations. I found that having a prepared response helped. Something as simple as, “we’re working with doctors on it” should help. But above all, surround yourself with people who truly support you, and those you can talk to.
Self care is not selfish
I wish I’d realised sooner that self care isn’t an indulgence, it’s essential. I was so caught up with spiralling thoughts of the future, or worrying about how others would feel if I didn’t see them / go to their baby shower / whatever else was going on at the time (insert difficult situation in here!) that I forgot my own well being. Self care looks different to everyone. For me it was taking walks, watching box sets, a massage… basically activities that brought me joy. So whether you love hiking, yoga, or simply reading a book, be sure to make that time for yourself. Your mental and emotional well being matter just as much as the medical side of all this.
Your fertility does not define you
TTC can take over your identity. Every month revolves around cycles, appointments, and two week waits. I wish I had realised sooner that I am more than all this. Finding joy outside of this helped me cope. I threw myself into my career, travelled when I could, and did the things we were able to do while we didn’t have children. Festivals, dinners, weekends away… remember, you are more than this situation.
We are here to support you, wherever you are in your fertility journey.
We look forward to welcoming you to The Fertility Show
