What I’ve learnt through my fertility experience by Amber Izzo

I’ve never been a patient person. Once I’ve set my mind on something, it’s in my nature to want it to come into fruition as soon as possible. I’ll work for it, and I’ll do whatever it is I need to do to get there. Ambitious perhaps; fiercely determined. Having a baby for me was no different; I wanted it more than anything and I’d have broken my back trying to get there. I was used to challenges, in fact in life I often say I like a challenge, but trying to conceive flipped that all on its head. I didn’t like the challenge, I didn’t want the challenge, and the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world felt completely unattainable. 

Before finally giving birth, I’d been trying to conceive for 7 years. Two abdominal surgeries, multiple diagnoses, and 3 fresh cycles of IVF were enough to push me to my limit. And despite being the most impatient person in the world, it forced me to be patient. My entire experience was full of waiting. Waiting lists; test results; the time needed to wait before repeating tests; the two week wait every single month; the cancelled cycles; you name it, we had to wait. And so despite it going against my nature, I learnt that in fact, I could be patient. 

Ultimately, the entire process taught me a lot of things. It taught me how to communicate. I can talk for England, in fact those nearest and dearest to me will tell you I don’t know how to be quiet. But despite that, it made me realise how terrible I was at communicating how I feel. I spiralled after my infertility diagnosis and my mental health hit rock bottom. I had to communicate to my husband to get myself out of it, and it taught us both how much better we could be at this. It’s one of the biggest things we did learn throughout the process; it meant we became a team, and I feel very lucky that for us, infertility made us stronger than we’d ever been. 

The biggest learning point for me was that life is precious. It waits for nobody. And it might have taken me many years, but I came to realise that my life didn’t start and stop with fertility treatment. It became my entire being. I lived and breathed fertility treatment; it was all I knew how to talk about and all anyone knew what to talk to me about. Eventually I had no choice but to reclaim the narrative. It was beating me and I was becoming a shell of myself. I was constantly sad, lonely, hurting. I didn’t know when this was going to end; if I was ever going to be a Mum or if I was going to have to learn to live life without the family I’d dreamed of. I made it my mission to enjoy life regardless, to resign to the fact I had to walk this road, but own it whilst I did. Every day that passed I wasn’t getting back. And if it didn’t work, I wanted to know that I had a life I loved and I would find happiness in that. It was the darkest 7 years of my life, but the minute I decided to look for glimmers of joy in that, everything changed. I learnt that life can still be beautiful, even in the midst of a storm.