All things Donor Conception with Hayley King

Tell us a bit about yourself and why you are in this space?

Hi, I’m Hayley and I discovered late in life that I am donor conceived – in the early 1980’s, as part of pioneering IVF treatment my parents had used an anonymous sperm donor to have me due to my dad’s infertility. Whilst it was a huge shock to find this truth out in my 30’s, it was sadly very common for parents to keep this information hidden from everyone based on the advice of professionals and doctors at that time.

Thankfully, research and attitudes have changed and we now know that telling our donor conceived children the truth about their origins from an early age is in fact best practice. The importance of this become even more apparent to me in 2017, when my wife and I underwent fertility treatment too and had twins thanks to donor sperm IVF. After our children were born, I soon realised that despite advances in this area there was still a desperate need for more information and support around donor conception; both from a parenting perspective and from the view of someone who is donor conceived. Over the past three years I have started to talk more openly about my story, and continue to work with others in this area to support and educate all members of our donor conception community to provide better outcome for our families.

What are you most passionate about raising awareness of and why?

We have all seen the statistics that suggest fertility treatment is on the rise – and the use of donor conception is no exception. In fact, in 2019, 1 in 170 births in the UK involved the use of donor sperm, eggs or embryos (HFEA). Whether you suffer with infertility, have a condition meaning you can’t use your own genetics or in fact are a member of the LGBTQ+ or solo parenting community, donor conception offers the chance to have a family that may not otherwise been accessible, but.. and there is a but!– just because this treatment path is accessible, we shouldn’t underestimate how much of an emotional process it can be to build your family via donor conception. A process that requires thought, consideration and most of all support. I feel passionately about empowering parents and parents to be to make informed choices on their family building journey and arming them with resources on how best they can go on to support their donor conceived child as they grow.

What's the best advice you can give to someone struggling to become a parent?

Having overcome many obstacles myself in order to have a family, I know how hard this situation can be. My best advice would be to research all of your options, work out which routes are possible, and what is important to you and your partner (if you have one). Discuss these options with someone you trust, and speak to people who have been there before you – what have they learnt? What have they found helpful? Look to obtain information from a range of sources. Also, find your community. Seeing other people who ‘look like you’ who have gone on to have families despite facing challenges can be such a validating experience.  

What are you most looking forward to about The Fertility Show this year?

I can’t wait to meet all of the attendees, answer any questions they may have, settle any fears and provide encouragement where needed! This is my first time at The Fertility Show and I am honoured to be speaking as part of the programme for 2024.